Ken-25-2 - Page: 1 of 19

I Let You Go

Your eyes beheld a joy so deep
While tiny feathers brushed my cheek,
"Too soon," I whispered,
"Let me keep,
He can not go,
I can not weep."

Upon the room there came a hush
As angels gathered in a rush,
To hover overhead and pray
The dawning of a brand new day,
To welcome into all their care
This sweet soul who was lying there.

Gently, as I watched this scene unfold,
A peace came over me as they foretold,
Of all the wonders that awaited
And the sorrows that would be abated,
Your torment ceased, I saw you sleep,
You had to go - I could not keep.

© 2002 Lynn McCurdy

Psalm 121

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, he that keepeth Isreal shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth,
and even for evermore.

Spring was always my favorite time of year. It was especially sweet when my husband, Mac, and I knew we would be welcoming our second child in the spring. Ken impatiently joined our little family of three, which included his sister, Cam. Ken was a happy, smiling little boy with an impish side to him. He grew up enjoying many hobbies and loved to express himself creatively through such pursuits as singing and drawing. He developed into a very sensitive, kind, and loving young man who was a good listener and would help anyone who needed it. He had a delicious sense of humor, and his eyes were full of laughter. Ken’s beautiful smile and easygoing personality ensured that he never met a stranger.

We had a very contented, ordinary family life until the day our world changed forever when our Ken died from AIDS. We had been a happy family of four; now we were back to three once more, and I knew our lives would never again be the same. Everything I had ever read or seen about AIDS could not fully prepare me for the stark reality of this horrendous disease because it suddenly had a face - and that face belonged to my beloved son. It tore my heart in two to know that the baby boy I had given birth to, nursed and nurtured, kissed boo-boos for, and who had brought me little dandelion “flowers” for my best bud vase was now going to die before I did. During the brief time that Ken was ill, he never complained and really tried to comfort and reassure me. He felt he'd lived a wonderful life. Ken said he was very lucky; he’d had a great childhood and had always known he was loved. He knew he would be with God, and that knowledge was a great comfort to him and to me. He will always be my child, my baby, and I will always be Ken’s Mom. Nothing can ever change that. From his sweet baby days through those sometimes difficult teens and into his loving, caring young adult years, he was a totally unique individual and very strong energy force in my life. I feel his presence with me every day, and for that, I am thankful. Ken was a very loving and loyal son, brother and friend. We love him so very much and miss him every single day.

©2002 Lynn McCurdy